Never use a fairy for your security team. I don’t care how cute they are. They will double cross you every time. Let’s say you put together an exquisite exhibition as a gift to the Holiday Museum. Your personal collection of priceless figurines is arranged behind bulletproof glass. The insurance company demands that you hire private security as well. You interview fifty people but you choose the fairy squad because they blend in with the festive decor. It is a true, natural miracle they don’t murder you for the bell ridden atrocity of a uniform you select for them. For the opening night you commission a designer to create a gown that encompasses the style of your life: luxe with a hint of whimsy. You stand before the doors of the great hall, a crowd of affluent gentle folk mill around you. You search for Yang, the museum director, but give up and order the doors opened. The crowd holds its breath and then the screams and panic begin. People flee from the room behind you. Instead of a decadent collection of figurines and old earth tchotchkes – you find a terrified Yang bound to an evergreen with twinkle lights. A large glass ornament is impossibly shoved in his mouth. The fairies have smashed every other piece of glass and porcelain in the room. The shards swirl in a circle while the fairies chant rhythmically inside of it. A deep red glow comes from the floor and a Night Mare steps through. She possesses tentacles instead of hooves and the moment she clears the portal, she chomps her too sharp teeth. An eerie crooning sound comes from her and you know you should flee but you take a single step forward. The crooning noise increases and the last thing you hear are the bells on the fairies shoes as they ride the Night Mare to their chosen sacrifice…YOU.
Yesterday I got the new planner itch so I headed to Michael’s. I’ve been using a happy planner for about 7 months but I was on the hunt for a wire bound planner. I like opening my planner all the way around. I found a basic bitch planner that has good bones so I’m giving it a shot. It won’t be basic for long since I’m extra AF. 🤣
It includes several pages of stickers. Mostly functional.
Nice little double folder included….
The entire rest of this planner is week on one page blanks. 😱
And here’s the back…
I went with the week on one page because I’m tired of having to spread my planner wide all over my damn desk to see my week. This way I can flip the cover back and see my whole week. I’ll post updates when I jazz this bitch up. 🤣
No one called upon the tragic muse, deliberately. She held down her bar stool at The Cherry Blossom and sipped on whatever the bartender served her. She had unlimited free drinks but they alway tasted bad. The wine was corked. The beer was flat. The mixed drinks were overly sweet, overly sour, or on one really bad night: both. Tonight she was sipping on a Lemontini and wincing at the pucker of the lemon. As soon as she finished it, the bartender refilled her glass. She was halfway to drunk when the young man sat beside her. He had dreams of being an overnight sensation, Mel could smell them. She sighed and downed her drink in one gulp. “How can I help you Matthew?”
Matthew fidgeted in his chair. “I want to be famous. I want it so badly I can taste it. Three of your sisters laughed at me. I thought maybe you could help me. And show them up.”
She smiled at the thought of one upping her sisters. Comedy and Dancing were by far the most popular, but people were even willing to beg outside Hymns door before they came to see her. “Only three of my sisters? Most visit all eight before deciding to slum it with Tragedy.” Matthew squirmed in his chair. She had guessed correctly. Every one of her sisters had slammed the door in his face. That was quite the feat. It wasn’t as if they all lived in the same neighborhood. She sipped her sour Lemontini and looked him over. “Is there a medium you prefer?”
“Words. I love writing.”
She smiled at hime. She’d let this one off easy. She reached over and kissed his cheek. Her magic settled over him. He sighed in relief and thanked her. He wandered out of the bar. He would write a famous novel before the year was over. But no matter how many edits he did, errors would remain. Even errors he had already fixed would reappear. His grasp of grammar was now tragically bad. The energetic internet assholes will have a field day trolling the comment section of anyone who showed appreciation for his book. Within a month of publication, Matthew will be turned into a meme. Even the tragic muse has a sense of humor.
The tiny wizard sat on a spool of thread on the kitchen table. She was furious that her shrinking spell had backlashed on her. All she had been trying to do was miniaturize her luggage so she wouldn’t have to pay the exorbitant airline fees. Now she was stuck in the kitchen of her rival waiting for help to undo the spell. It was humiliating to be sitting in the whimsical kitchen. Open shelving showed off mismatched and wonky plates. The tablecloth had little hand embroidered tea pots all over it. She’d had no idea her redneck neighbor lived with his 85 year old granny. All she’d ever heard was him revving motorcycles in the garage & then taking off into the sky on the enchanted Harleys. He had a steady clientele of bikers wanting the latest anti grav spell put on their bikes. The walk here had taken half a day in her shrunken state. He came in from the garage & went to the sink to wash up. He then sat at the table and poured a cup of tea. He put an obscene amount of honey in the cup and then sipped it gingerly. She stared at him in frustration. He smiled. “I can’t say I’m not tempted to leave you in this state for awhile. It would cut down on your noise complaints.” She went to speak and he held up his hand. “I’m kidding. Granny would have my hide for leaving a fellow wizard in the lurch. I went and examined the spell residue at your place. Seems you triggered the personal gain backlash. I can’t believe you tried to cheat the airline out of fees. Didn’t they teach you better than that at fancy ass magic school?” I crossed my arms and glared at him. “Ok I can undo it but you’ll have to pay the price. Either green hair or no voice. The effect will last up to a month.”
I stared hard at him, openmouthed. He could control what price was paid for magical backlash?? He was better than anyone I knew. I sighed. “Green hair please. I have to speak at a conference tomorrow.” He nodded and grabbed a wooden spoon. He took several deep breaths and then began casting with the spoon. I’d never seen anything like it. After he’d laid out the circle, he held out his hand and I stepped onto it. He placed me in the center of the pattern and then closed the loop. The magic shot through me. I returned to my regular height and sighed in relief when I could see over the counter.
“Thanks Wilton. I owe you one.” I bolted out the door & sprinted home. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and nearly screamed. My hair and eyebrows were now lime green. I grabbed my biggest hat, my luggage, & headed to the airport.
Don’t be pessimistic about our chances. Hope is the only thing that’s kept humanity going these last five years. If we can capture your wife and sprinkle shadow dust on her, she will return to normal. The ancients tried to warn us and we turned their warnings into nursery rhymes and fairy tales. The elven kingdom returned and brought a plague upon us all. Seems they decided to reclaim their home world after decimating several other planets in the galaxy. If you carried even a drop of Irish blood you turned into a ravening zombie in the elvish army. What they didn’t destroy, the riots did. In three years the Elven Queen reclaimed over half of our world. The only thing stopping her now are the indigenous peoples of the world. They are the only ones who can create the shadow dust. They are the spark that started the fires of rebellion. The alley was suddenly silent. A middle aged woman wearing a ‘Hot Mess Mom’ tee shirt limped into view. “Karen?” Her husband’s face showed hope and fear. They threw a net over her and dosed her. Her eyes faded from red to blue and she looked around in confusion.
“Where am I?” Her husband tried to rush in but the soldiers held him back.
“You have to wait. Her hunger is still there.” Karen lashed at the net and tried to bite the nearest soldier. He leapt out of reach and she snarled. Suddenly she went limp and began convulsing. The soldiers pulled the net off her. She opened her brown eyes and lay still for a moment. When she caught sight of her husband, she pulled herself up and walked into his embrace. The entire process only took five minutes but it was incredibly dangerous.
The old cat tree sat just outside of town. Its gnarled branches always held at least three cats. Legend said that it sprouted full grown overnight the day they burned the witch. No axe could penetrate its bark. After the first three men who swung an axe at it came down with a mysterious fever – people left it well enough alone. 50 years later there were rumors of pearls & hidden gems tucked inside its trunk but nothing was ever found. The cats prance through its branches and commune with the spirit that lives inside the wooden fortress. The cats know the trees origins. It is a curse born in the filth and the fury of the long imprisonment and brutal murder of their friend the witch. She used her death to fuel the spell. The townsfolk have grown complacent. The tree bides its time. Another decade or two and the last one who stood in witness to the death of the witch will die. Then the tree will give his soul to the cats as it did with all the others. 96 souls trapped in acorns to be used as cat toys. Soon it will be a complete set of 97 and the cursed forest will grow.
The cold mountain made the tiny B & B all the more inviting. They trudged through the doors of the huge victorian mansion and sighed in relief as the warm air enveloped them. They dropped their heavy packs by the front desk. No one was around so Junior ran the bell 3 times. Senior shook his head at his youthful exuberance. A breeze stirred their hair and then an apparition appeared behind the desk. “How may I help you?”
“Reservation for two, under Jester.” Their packs started floating so they followed them to their room. After washing up they headed to the dining room. It was a grand ballroom fitted with about a dozen small tables. Halfway through dinner, Senior became engrossed in the conversation of two ladies behind him. He leaned closer and closer until SMACK! he hit his head on the floor when the chair gave way. He had to scramble to cover up his spying and was brought a new chair so he could finish his supper.